Depression and Temperance

Temperance XIV



Next on our Tarot card learning adventure we are going to talk about, Temperance. I wanted to do something a little different this time and use the card as a platform to talk about a slightly more serious topic, depression. If I were to pick a card to represent depression, it would be Temperance. If you look up the definition of Temperance it talks about moderation and abstinence (it also talks about abstaining from food and alcohol, which isn't really my thing because I love both alas, moderation is key). With depression, sometimes you do everything you can to abstain from it. Some of us fight until we have no fight left. What would happen if we stopped fighting our demons? What if we found a way to find some form of sacred balance between our light and dark self? Stick with me, because I think we can use the Tarot as a tool to achieve this almost impossible task. 

A little bit about me and how I relate to this topic: I have had depression since I was a kid. I have struggled with trying to find balance within myself for many years and continue to struggle, but am getting much better at it. I like to think I am at a point now where most days are better than others, but I still feel depression's claws fogging up my mind on a fairly regular basis. Right before I get depressed, I find myself unable to make the simplest of decisions, like 'what to make for supper' or the question 'what do you want to do' almost always gives me hives at the thought. Then I start to feel cold both mentally and physically. I am not sure about you, but to me it literally feels like you're sitting at the beach having a fabulous time, you're getting some sun (or if you are me, hiding the the shade to protect your corpse like pallor), eating some delicious picnic snacks, checking out all the hot people at the beach, they're checking you out, its fabulous and BAM the fog is rolling in to ruin a perfect Summer's day. That's what my depression feels like. I am always curious how others can feel their depression coming on and how they cope. 

A couple of things help me cope: First and foremost my husband, friends and family. I am lucky because I have some wonderful people in my life that I can rely on when I need a pick me up, support or simply a hug. Most of us are blessed with having some pretty wonderful people in our lives. We shouldn't be afraid to talk to them about our problems. Another big thing for me, especially where I feel like getting slightly personal tonight is the Occult. It has always been a big part of my life. Studying Tarot, Magick, etc. is a wonderful distraction from reality, plus if you are serious and can find some virgins to throw in a volcano, the Occult will also give you magick powers!- I joke. Or do I? ;) Last but not least I have had some pretty great counselors along the way.  I am a bit of a pusher of the whole idea of talking to someone about your illness. Believe me, I know its really hard to put it out there, but if you get lucky with a good counselor or doctor, they might just give you some great coping advice. They probably wont cure you or make rainbows come out of your butthole, but they could give you a key to help live a better life. To me that is worth all the butthole rainbows in the world.

Possible butthole rainbow.

Now, what does all of this have to do with our most beloved, most fantastic and mystical Tarot? If you look at the Temperance card above, you will see an Angel (cool fact: this Angel is the child of Aphrodite and Hermes and is a hermaphrodite, again we have that balance between male and female) balancing between water and land. That's kind of what living with depression is like. We balance between what we feel inside and how we must conduct ourselves on the outside. The trick to balance is to not fight and pull between both sides. Find yourself somewhere in the middle. The Tarot is FULL of imagery to help you get yourself in that comfy middle . There are pillars, dual sided beasts, figures balancing between water and land, people hanging balanced from trees, you get the picture, its like gymnastics, if it had a flair for the mystical. If I really feel like I need a distraction, I will go through my deck and pull every card I can find that shows me balance. Then I meditate on them, write about them, telling their stories in my journals. Its surprising how a mood can change when you are constantly looking at images that foster a healthier mind. I believe anyone can use Tarot to help them cope with the different things life likes to throw our way. Here are a couple of ways you can use Tarot to help you with depression (it should never be in place of professional assistance):

• Journal prompts- need to get something out of your brain and on to paper? Pull a card and write about how it relates to how you are feeling.
• Need something to meditate on? Check out the High Priestess, The Star, Temperance, The Chariot or the Hierophant (just a few- see if you can find some more) to put the image of balance into your mind. Remember it is 100% okay to feel shitty. Own those dark feelings just like you do the good ones!
• Use it like a picture book. Go through the cards one at a time and use them as distraction.
• Play a Tarot version of Where's Waldo as a way to get your mind off a panic attack- I use this one a lot! Take each card and see if you can find little hidden symbols. The Tarot is ripe with all kinds of hidden imagery. I have been doing this for years and still find new things each time.  This is great because it helps get my anxiety at bay and I am learn something new about Tarot. Win, win baby and I am all about that! 
• Find a card that makes your heart feel happy and one that upsets you. Focus on the polarizing feelings and how each card makes you feel. Write about it in a journal or book of shadows about how your body reacts to the positive card and why it reacts to the negative image. Do you think you could figure out why you are reacting that way?
  
  

Where we have some exercises on how to use the Tarot to find balance, I thought I would do a little meditation on the Temperance card as our exercise for this specific card.

Temperance's Lesson: A Meditation

Get comfy. Relax. Breathe. All that good stuff. 

Picture yourself walking along a beautiful seaside path. The sun is shining and it's rays feel just right on your skin. The air smells salty and the wind is warm against your face. You can hear the waves crashing on the beach. You are walking along a trail weaving you around giant sand dunes. You can hear gulls in the distance but no people. You are alone but find company in the gulls. As you walk you are thinking of all the happy moments in life. Your family, loved ones, your pets. You are blissfully counting your blessings. You get a little extra pep in your step and are feeling excited and happy for the future. At this time you feel that nothing could go wrong in the world. 

Then as quickly as that thought crosses your mind, the air turns cold. Your friend and guide, the sun hides behind large dark storm clouds. Suddenly the sound of the sea goes from a calming rhythm to a menacing reminder that there are forces so much bigger than you. The gulls disappear and now you feel very alone. You continue along your path as fog rolls in off the now black water that you catch glimpses of between the dunes. The dunes are no longer gentle mounds of sand, now they are large mountains, impossible to climb. You begin to hurry. You want away from this place. 

In your hurry you reach a stream that cuts between the path. In the middle of the stream stands a beautiful, glowing angel. He is huge. His wings are bright red and feathered like a cardinal. He has a golden aura that shines brilliantly from around the crown of his head. One of his perfect feet is resting in the stream while the other is sitting comfortably on the land. Between his hands he is pouring water from one cup into another. He stops and looks at you. Never losing his footing or spilling the contents the chalices. He is surprised by your panic and need to get away from the stormy water. He does not speak but in your mind you hear him. He asks you why you are so keen to run away. Why you will not stay at the beach. It is still a Summer's day, is it not? He asks you. Through your mind's eye he shows you that without the dark days we would never appreciate the light. You must love your darkness. You must find comfort within it. Otherwise he says, you will never truly appreciate the brilliant glow of the light when you do not know what the darkest night feels like. The angel motions for you to join him in the water. You put one foot into the cool streaming water, he hands you two chalices of your own. You hold them high to the rainclouds. Urging them to fill your cups, so you too can balance between the light and the dark. 

When you are ready, bring yourself out of the meditation and back into real life. 

That ends our little adventure into Temperance. I feel that I have gotten more personal than I ever had planned too but I must admit, I feel much better. Take some time to get to know Temperance. I think you will like this card! Until our next adventure I bid us Northern Hem. folks happy Spring and you fine Southern Hem. folks a happy Fall! I celebrated Ostara this year by planting some pumpkin, corn and cucumber seeds. I planted these on March 21st and took this picture yesterday on the 27th. Look at those little buddies grow!



Death

Death XIII

My oldest foe Death,

How I fear your visit

The clasp of your cold hand

The scent of your presence,

I live in your black shadow

You great bringer of sorrow.
Forcing the wheel of life to turn

Encourager of new seasons,

Without the demise of Winter

Spring would not burst forth.

Without you, would I know joy

Experience purest happiness,

Without comparison to your gloom.

My dearest friend Death,

Do you know what love is?
 

-N. Thiemann

This card needs no fancy heading or funny play on words. It needs not a paragraph on the February weather or my usual initial banter- though I do have some good Tarot Adventure stories and updates for my next post. This my friends, readers and fellow bloggers is the most infamous card of them all. Featured in countless horror movies, detective novels, surrounded by a smokescreen of mystery and fear. Why do we fear this card so much? Is it because most of us are inherently scared to die? I sometimes think this card is so powerful because we can all connect with it. Every one of us has experienced death in our lives or will eventually experience it. I remember my first exposure death. Like most people, it was the passing of a pet, my first dog, Tramp. I will never forget the day I found out Tramp had passed on. I think we all remember our first experience realizing that the fragility of life is a very real thing.  Out of all of the cards, this is the one I respect the most. I have the upmost respect for the grieving and the afraid. We are all in this together. Side note: my dog was named after "Lady and the Tramp" (it was the 90's) and we thought that would be a fitting name for the scruffy terrier/weiner dog that he was. Afterwards we realized that might not have been a good "dog name" after all. The little bastard- I say that with love, had a real passion for running away and it would result in my mother yelling, "Tramp" loudly out the door. I think a lot of people in our neighbourhood might have took it personally based on our popularity with the neighbours...

Many people in the Tarot community tread lightly when this card makes an appearance in a reading. I believe in following some serious Tarot ethics and one of those things is to never tell someone they or a person they love are going to die. Lets leave that conversation for medical professionals who can really tell you how much more time you have on the clock. This is not something for a Tarot Reader, in my opinion, to get into. I have a close friend whom a Reader once told her mother that her father would die within the year. She spent a year worrying every time he coughed or went out. He is still kicking today. You see, there is no need to plant that seed in someone's mind. Even if I do see a death, I personally would never tell someone. Does that make me dishonest? Maybe. I'm not losing any sleep at night. Plus it is very rare that this card does mean an actual death in the first place. Which is a perfect way to lead into our next paragraph...

 

This card does indeed mean the end of something, hence the title, "Death" but that could mean the end of many things. Depending on the cards surrounding it, it could indicate the end of a job or relationship. Usually it lets you know that the end will be a GOOD thing. The sun is pictured rising which is always a symbol for better things to come. When the cards around Death are a mismatch of all sorts of different meanings than I take it as a sign of BIG CHANGES to come. It can indicate a whirlwind like change, where you feel like everything is happening around you but you have lost control. Oftentimes this will come up for people who have been having a terrible year or they are feeling lost on their path. This card really wants you to just, roll with it or go with the flow. There is no sense fighting what we cannot change. Like physical death, we can put on anti aging face cream or workout until the cows come home but in the end the Reaper will always be waiting. I am just a ball of sunshine today folks! When this card is coupled with the Three of Swords, Nine of Swords or Ten of Swords, this is when I would think about physical death. Again, I caution you, please use your discretion. No one needs to hear about their demise from a psychic. If you are someone who feels that their querent should hear all news, please be gentle in your delivery and remember even the best of us can be wrong. I strongly urge discretion when sharing information like this and the consideration of not sharing this info at all.

 

Getting Acquainted with Death

 

It is no surprise to anyone who knows me personally, that I am a little on the morbid side. My house is pretty much Halloween ready 365 days a year- however it is classy not tacky- there is a very fine line folks. I love horror in all its many forms. Growing up I lived beside a cemetery so my parents would take me there to play. That's where I learned to ride my bike and used to go sliding. I was always a little antisocial even as a child and would go to the cemetery to relax and sort out my thoughts. The cemetery that I frequent is called Fernhill and it is where my family has been laid to rest for many generations and it truly is my "happy place". Please do not be fooled, even though I surround myself in spooky imagery and take relaxing strolls through the cemetery, I am terrified of death and my own future demise.

 

I have been trying to figure out some exercises to help anyone interested get more in tune with this card. My recommendation would be to take a stroll through your local cemetery, if this type of place does not bother you. Make an afternoon of it. You will be surprised at how much history you will uncover. Do some cemetery etchings or maybe take some pictures. You might just capture a couple of ghostly images. If you do decide to do this exercise please be respectful of the cemetery and those who are laid to rest there. If you bring your dog, clean up after him or her otherwise, I will get on my broomstick and find you! Nothing bothers me more than people who let their pets run rampant in a place that should be respected. This is not an amusement park! *takes off ranting hat*

 

 

If you are not comfortable with the cemetery, which I completely understand why not embrace the change aspect of this card. Take a little trip to a nearby town and check out some new sights. Do something different that you would not typically do. See what happens when you bring new change into your life!

 

Hanging with the Hanged Man

The Hanged Man XII

Finally it's safe to say we survived the Mercury Retrograde and now are on our way to greener, well maybe snowier pastures (it is February after all). I am feeling a lot better than I was feeling last month. I feel like I am ready to get back on my broomstick and continue on with my Tarot journeys. I must say even with the retrograde going on causing me all kinds of scandal, I also had the pleasure of meeting some really great people for readings. One lady was just a sweetheart. We talked for hours and I ended up almost leaving without getting my fee, leave it to me! Thankfully she was honest and reminded me to take my moo-lah. I also got to read for some lovely ladies who served me delicious goat cheese and cider. We had excellent conversation and a lot of laughs. That is just a small fraction of the delightful people I met last month. I say this often but I am truly lucky to be able to read Tarot and meet so many interesting and wonderful souls.  Meeting people for readings and hearing their stories really helps to remind me of why I do this. Tarot can be exhausting at times. You are constantly opening your energy and spirit up to others, but I will tell you that in the end it is always worth the late evenings and busy schedule. What you get out of reading Tarot is so much more than what you put in. Especially if you are passionate about this art. 

As I write this I can see the trees outside of my house bending with the wind. The flowering crab is doing it's best to stand strong against the February gusts. Clive Barker, the author of my favourite book of all time, "The Thief of Always" compared February to a "great grey beast". Ever since reading that description I have always seen this month as this beast that comes roaring in, beating us down with cold, unpredictable weather and then disappears like a fever dream. Recently it has been eerily warm in my neck of the South Eastern coast of Canada. Normally by this time we would be buried in feet of snow, I am actually not even exaggerating, but as it stands we have less than six inches of the white stuff. The weather is weird. Things are changing. My reptile brain is a little concerned. 

I find myself starting to get a little stir crazy as well. Even though it hasn't been a typical Winter, it still has been cold and wet enough to keep me away from the places I love like the beach. I am starting to feel stuck and am longing for warm sunny afternoons and humid nights. I miss the smell of bonfires and the sound of crashing ocean waves. The way the sand is almost too hot under your toes and the stark contrast of the freezing cold ocean water- gotta love the North Atlantic- am I right? You know you are Canadian when you brave the FREEZING temperatures like a pro because you want to swim in the ocean. I am feeling a little like our buddy the Hanged Man. Stuck on my tree, okay with the wait but stuck all the same with Winter waning on one side and Spring waxing on the other. Its just a slow waiting game but eventually the changing of the seasons will start and I will be back to my beloved ocean in no time.

I suppose I have bored you long enough with my talks of the weather that I really should get on with what this card is all about. When the Hanged Man shows up in a reading he can symbolize a couple of things. First I always see it as something that is moving slow. For example if someone were to ask me about love and they had this card, I would tell them that love is on it's way but its going to be a wait and to be patient. It doesn't mean that things wont happen but it does mean it is going to take a while. Another interpretation of this card is sacrifice. I was told years and years ago that the Hanged Man represents the Norse God Odin- fun fact: I have been researching my family history and found out my maternal ancestors were Norse! Odin hung on the World Tree for nine days to learn the hidden knowledge of the runes. He sacrificed an eye and was speared but through this sacrifices the knowledge that he obtained was well worth the trouble. His message to you if you get this card is that your sacrifices are soon to pay off. Keep doing what you are doing and you will see results. If you are someone who is always doing things for others, expect some appreciation or pay off. I never see this card as bad omen or an image of suicide or death. Some people have conjured this idea up but I assure you that is not the meaning, at least in my humble opinion. Another fun thing that this card signifies is independence. Someone who knows what they want and what they need to do and does not need the help or influence of other people. If you recently had a break up and this card made an appearance it would be very encouraging because it would remind you that you GOT THIS! As long as you have your back, nothing else matters. This card wants you to be independent and make your own choices. I think that is a very powerful and positive message. I hope that if you see this card in a reading that you get excited that Odin stopped for a visit and a lesson in sacrifice and independence. 

An Exercise with Odin 

Our good friend Odin was a Father God in Norse mythology who was also the God of both war and death. He is also the God of poetry and wisdom- which is what we are going to focus on here. His old english name was Woden which is related to the day Wednesday, which is his day. Odin is also the Father of that sexy Thor fellow. He has two ravens whom he uses to keep an eye on what is happening on Earth. I wish I had myself some fancy ravens that I could use to keep an eye on people. 

For more information on Odin, which I highly recommend researching because he is super interesting, check out the link above to old faithful aka Wikipedia. 

What we are going to do to get more connected with his energy is that on a Wednesday, make some time for yourself, sit down and read some poetry. Be inspired by your favourite poet. Enjoy the lyrical rhythm of a good poem. Take time to appreciate this art. Many people have never read a poem after leaving high school and this makes my poem loving heart sad. If you enjoy writing maybe ask Odin for some inspiration and see what you come up with. I used to write poetry all the time and not to toot my own horn, but I was really damn good at it too! I think I may use some of this Odin inspired thought to write some new poems. I hope you do too!

Here are some links to my favourite poets. I hope you enjoy and find some inspiration through their talent!

Edgar Allan Poe- anyone who knows me should not be surprised that he is number one. 

Robert Frost- seriously, he is so talented. His poem, "Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening" be still my Canadian heart. 

Sylvia Plath- You hear references made about her all the time in movies when people are trying to sound well read or smart. Ever wonder why? Her poetry is both strong and beautiful. Check her out! 

William Shakespeare- I am a sucker for old Shakes, especially his love poems. It is the month of love after all! 

Ovid- Last but not least we have Ovid. If you are not familiar with him just know he was one bad ass dude who was exiled. His poetry was considered a little on a racy side back in his day. I absolutely am in LOVE with Ovid, especially surprise, surprise his love poems. Check him out! <3 I always thought if I were to write a book the main character would be named Ovid.

PS: Not a poem but seriously, check out "The Thief of Always" by Clive Barker if you want an awesome February read! 

Happy reading!